Three steps, three minutes: notice that this is a hard moment, remember that you are not the only one going through it, and speak to yourself as you would to a friend.
In a hard moment, many of us speak to ourselves more harshly than we would ever speak to a friend. The self-compassion break is a short pause to soften that habit. Its three steps are inspired by the work of psychologist Kristin Neff: noticing the difficulty, remembering our shared humanity and offering ourselves kindness. If you like, you can add the metta steps at the end, extending your good wish to the people you love and to all beings.
It helps when you have made a mistake, been criticised, feel tired or lonely, after a difficult conversation, and at the close of your evening review. The short version suits the middle of the day; the full version and metta extension suit a quiet moment.
Self-compassion entered psychology through Kristin Neff's research since 2003, and programmes by Neff and Christopher Germer build on it. Metta (loving-kindness) is one of the four sublime states of the Buddhist tradition, and it is related to rahma (mercy) in Sufism and to Yunus Emre's line "we love the created for the sake of the Creator". Meta-analyses of self-compassion interventions report moderate benefits for stress and self-criticism. This is not a treatment but an exercise in being kind to yourself.
Being kind to yourself can sometimes bring suppressed feelings to the surface; this is normal. If you feel overwhelmed, use the Safe Exit button or stop the practice. If you are living with severe depression or trauma, it is wiser to do this work with a professional.